How to excercise for better sex

I found this brief pictorial article fascinating. It gives detailed instructions for men on how to strengthen themselves for specific sexual positions. It also explains how to pull off said positions so that you understand why the exercises will help. But more so, there were one or two that I haven't tried yet. And I thought to myself, "self, that sounds like fun!" But this is for you gentleman folk out there! Enjoy!


Exercises For Better Sex - AOL Health

Attendance policy

In high school I was one of those few kids that got perfect attendance. I assure you, it was not my choice. I have always been afraid of punishment, however; and if my folks took me to school that's where I was. They knew what to do to get to me. Oh sure, beat me all you want, whatever. But for the love of all things holy don't take away my sports and my music. That, my friends, is how they got me. I could have easily skipped class, but being very unlucky and not at all sneaky, I would have most certainly gotten caught. So, to prevent being deprived of what I wanted, I trudged dutifully from class to class. This is what I like to call "teaching children there are consequences to their actions." Or in short, fear.
Now I don't know if the parents of the child in this article did this or not. We'll call the above story an aside, and leave it at that. The parents in this story, Mark and Margaret Gillan, received a letter telling them that their daughter's attendance was so bad that if it did not improve she would be banned from her prom. Well in their words they were "floored" to read that letter. These parents were not self deceiving, their daughter had passed away in January.
Talk about PR nightmare. I am sorry it seems we forgot your daughter died. Our bad. Somebody lost their job after that fiasco I am sure.

Parents of Dead Teen Get Shocking Letter Momlogic

Workin "9 to 5"

If you haven't seen the classic 80's movie 9 to 5 then where have you been? Seriously you need to see it if nothing else so that you can understand what I am talking about here. It seems that in France,in true 9-5 fashion, workers
of 3M were on strike. In order to make sure their demands were met, they took their boss hostage.
What is really interesting is that this apparently is not an uncommon tactic used over there.
"In France, it is not unheard-of for striking workers to hold company executives as a way of winning concessions from management. The hostages are almost never injured."
Did you catch that last part? Hostages are Almost never injured. But check out the article. I wonder if the screen writers for 9-5 got their idea from France and who is playing the part of Dolly? Those are some large blouses to fill.

3M Workers Hold Boss Hostage - AOL Money & Finance

Update

Little Alfie is not the Baby daddy. So now the little tramp has to go through the host of boys she slept with and figure out who is.
Tests Show 13-Year-Old is Not a Father - ParentDish

Renee Russo

I hate Renee Russo. Sort of. She is 55 and looks absolutely amazing. I hate her for that. I am thirty two and even in my own dreams I don't look that good. It seems like as she ages she gets better looking. Grrrr. She just did a photo shoot and it is definitely worth checking out. Rene Russo's Sexy Romp - StyleList Fashion Blog

GPS

This article is a prime example why people still need to think. Sorry the Sat-Nav told me to drive up here: BMW left teetering on 100ft cliff edge Mail Online Just because a GPS told you to jump off a cliff are you going to do it?

What really sets me off

You know, I might get agitated when someone does something to me. I might fuss for a little while, but ultimately I will let it go. Do what you want to me, but don't even think about messing with someone I care about!
The quickest way to receive my anger is to do something to one of my family or one of my friends. Medea and a chainsaw ain't got nothin' on me then.

I have a friend who is being kicked out on the street by someone who is supposed to A) be her friend and B) calls herself a Christian. This girls name is Kristen. Yes, I am calling her by name because I am mad! Now fortunately my friend has a temporary spot to go, she can come to my house, she can go to my friend L. and J's place. There are people that actually are her friend and who truly do care for her. Friends stick together, they help each other out and they love you even when you are stupid. (which in my case I know they are real friends cause I am stupid a lot.) Kristen doesn't get it. She is an idiot. When she lost her job a while back every one pitched in and helped her out financially, emotionally etc. Does she understand the concept of Kharma? No. Does she understand doing for others what has been done for her? No. She has been completely unaccommodating from the start. She has two cats but wouldn't let my friend bring hers. My friend was probably paying the greater portion of Kristen's rent as well. This girl better hope that I don't run into her for a long time. Cause not only will she get an ear full, but I will take off the earrings and my rings, the fake nails and the weave and I will whip her ass. She better dodge me for a good solid 6 months because it is going to take at least that long for me to cool down. This dumb girl who thinks she is an interior designer. She hung carpet squares on the wall for decoration, after I told her the story about the house with the carpet on the wall. It's not a wonder she lost her job as an "interior designer" She sucks! Ooooo girl you better keep away from me!!!!

Poor thing

This is a story about a horse who is allergic to grass. I know! How crazy! The poor horse can't go outside much at all and when she does she has to wear coverings and a hood to protect her eyes. If the grass brushes her she gets welts. She is allowed to nibble a little grass, but she has to eat a special diet of sugar beet chaff and soya oil. She also has to take 15 antihistamine tablets a day. Can you imagine being a horse who can't be a horse? Someone needs to build the horse a great big bubble so she can be outside. If you scroll through the pics on the website that say animals in the news you can find a picture of Pandora the horse after 3 or 4 pics. She is all done up in her hood and coverings. Thank goodness she was owned by people who would care for her despite the high maintenance and cost.

Horse Has Grass Allergy

Layoffs

Well, in a piece of news I find particularly disturbing, we find out that the American condom makers are having to make layoffs. The layoffs are a reaction to continuing production jobs going over seas. I fear condoms from China. They can't even make pet food that isn't poisonous. I do not want to risk STD's and baby drama to something made in China or Taiwan. So please, when you buy condoms, buy American. Please. American condom-makers layoff workers as production heads overseas

I am at a loss for words...

We've all seen the stories: couple married at Waffle House or Wal-Mart or whatever. This one is a story about a couple that married at White Castle.

" Usually people get married in a church, but think about it, it's going to be a wedding to remember," the bride's friend, Kelli Vanarsdale, told WYMTNews.com. "How many weddings can you go to and then talk about it later and say 'Hey, I had a wedding in a White Castle!'?""

There are so many things wrong with this I almost don't know where to begin. Can you tell by the sound of my typing that I am grinning and shaking my head? But I did say I ALMOST didn't know where to begin. Let's start with the quote "it's going to be a wedding to remember" Well yes. It certainly will be one for the books. The part of the quote that really makes me chuckle is "how many weddings can you go to...and say 'Hey I had a wedding in a White Castle'"
Well I can attest that in my life I have never met anyone that has been married in a White Castle. Is this something to be proud of? Is this something that you are sitting around with your friends and say, wow that's cool that you did that at your wedding but listen to this...? I just.. I really am at a loss. The grooms brother even went on to tell the news that "It's a beautiful thing." Check out the video,they look like they might already be related and if you listen really closely you will hear the banjos. Couple Marries in White Castle Wedding Ceremony - AOL Food

Cat-fight old school

This story makes me giggle. It is a fairly common occurence of two women fighting over a man. I will say that I think fighting over a man is stupid. No man is worth making an ass of yourself to prove yourself the alpha female, when he is a cheating bastard to begin with. If he's not cheating, but won't pick one at a time, he's still not worth it. And women who feel they have to fight over a man don't know their own worth. Move on and respect yourself first and foremost. OK so I never told you why it made me giggle. The women were ages 72 and 78. Seriously? Yep. Although the youngster of this story nearly got shot. Don't mess with an old woman with a gun! Fortunately for the younger woman, the gun misfired. I guess at age 78 the older woman had not kept up with proper care of her gun. It seems that the worst damages done were hitting, scratching and hair pulling. I tell you what, I would have paid good money to see two 70 somethings fighting! Check out the video clip from the news, you'll see what I mean!

Women Fight Over 72-Year-Old Man

Immaturity

This post is a personal rant. Those of you who know me, know that every year I go to a hat party. It is something I look forward to every year. This year I won't be going. Why? Well, here's the thing. I have no idea. One of the hosts told my dearest friend D. that I was not welcome. We have racked our brains and can't figure out why. Now the hosts have not bothered to tell me that I am not invited. So your next question is why wouldn't I know if I didn't receive an invitation? Here's why. The host has, for years, said that once you've been invited you are always invited. I have received invitations off an on over the years. And those of you that know me know that I have moved frequently over the past several years. I thought nothing of not getting an invitation because who can keep up with my address? It has been a party that, if you get an invitation in the mail, you are asked to spread the word to those who did not. Well that is still true, unless you are me.
I understand that I can be brash and offensive. I know my flaws. I am aware that sometimes I say things that I don't mean as they sound. The thing is, the people I have spoken to that know both myself and the two hosts, don't believe that this is the situation. But we can't know, because, officially I am not even supposed to know that I am not invited. The hosts are just assuming that I will forget about the party till it is too late. Never mind that I speak to a large number of people on a regular basis that attend the party as I have, every year.
My issue with this is not that I am not invited, it's that no one has the balls to say it to me. If you tell me you don't want me in your house or at your party then I won't come. I am a big girl. I haven't seen this kind of thing since, I don't know, High school. We're inviting the cool kids, don't tell so and so there is a party this weekend, she is too nerdy, we can tell her after the party has already happened. I have had a lot of thoughts run through my mind as to how to deal with this. I first thought about emailing them and asking them why. I thought about driving out to their house and confronting them in person. I have thought about sending out a notice to everyone that is normally invited telling them what kind of crap this is. And I have thought about playing stupid and just showing up to the party as if I had no idea that this year, unlike every other year, I am not invited. ( I will admit to the fact that I am still seriously considering the last one as immature as it is) But I keep coming to the same thought every time I ponder all this. If I act at all, I will most likely lower myself down to their level. This is an idea I absolutely abhor. And secondly, I don't believe I have done or said anything to warrant this whole situation. There are a lot of factions in this group, and not everyone loves me. I normally leave those people alone. It's just not worth the energy to fake it, or fight over it. But D. and a few others believe that it may be one of these haters that has poured poison into our host's ear.
The thing is, I have invited several friends and one of my professors as I have done every year. My professor is an old friend of one of the hosts. I now have to look like an idiot and tell them all, " I know I invited you to this party and got you all psyched up about it, but yeah, I've not been invited this year." It's a completely riddiculous situation. And it's as immature as it comes. If you have a problem with me, then come to me. If I have a problem with you, I will come to you. That is how grown-ups work things out. Either we will fix things, agree to disagree, or agree to part ways. But don't tell my friend I can't come to a party that I have always come to, and then not tell me. It's just childish. So I would like input on what you all think I should do. But I will go ahead and warn you I am leaning towards doing nothing at all and just saying screw it and them!

Out of work? Hotties needed.

Foxy Lady, in Providence Rhode Island is having a job fair. Have you ever dreamed of working at a strip club? Well here's your chance. "I need more managers, I need more competent staff, and I need more attractive waitresses to go along with the ones I have right now," says co-owner Tom Tsoumas. There you have it ladies. The dream job you've been waiting for. Please apply in person. No phone calls, and no suits. Thongs and tassels required.

Strip Club Job Fair Recruits Unemployed Hotties - Asylum Men's Lifestyle Humor, weird news, sex tips, fashion, dating, fo...

How old are you again?

A woman was arrested for biting her son's principal. No this is not some tale of an elicit love affair. The woman is just apparently a grown idiot. Not to mention, she is also an excellent example for her kids. The principal told the boys mother that her son was being suspended for three days. His crime was failing to go to a room for children who have misbehaved. What does mom do? She bites the principal and punches him in the face. Outstanding. Then to top it off, she assaults the cop who tries to arrest her. I wonder where her son learned his disruptive behavior from?
Woman Bites Son's Principal

This just pisses me off

The people in this article rank right up there with ignorant lazy people that have babies to stay on welfare and get a check. Granted, these particular bastards are in Britain but I am sure there are some here in the US. This just shows what's wrong with the system. This couple has not worked in eleven years because, they say, they are too fat to work. That, my friend, is crap. You can't work because you are freakin lazy! They are ages 53 and 57. And are perfectly capable of working. If you can stand to take a picture, then you can freaking work. They have two fat ass daughters that at least for the moment are working. The daughters are bigger than the parents. The worst part about this story is not that they are living off of working tax payers. The worst part of this is that they are complaining that they don't get enough money. "What we get barely covers the bills and puts food on the table. It's not our fault we can't work. We deserve more," Philip Chawner told the newspaper. Grrrrr. I could just shove a chicken leg down his throat to choke him!!! I would just have to be careful to get my hand back before he ate it. I had better stop here. I am way too angry. Read for yourself. family too fat to work and here Family who are 'too fat to work' say £22,000 worth of benefits is not enough - Telegraph

The Borneo Snake

It has been announced that the picture, as seen here, is a fake. Ya think? Don't get me wrong, I think that it is comepletely plausible that there is a snake this big somewhere. I mean after all they just found Titanboa a few months ago. Pet Care Examiner: Titanboa skeleton dwarfs skeletons of today's snakes I think it is possible that there is a Lochness type monster left over from the dinosaur age, maybe not in a lake in the UK, but perhaps in the ocean. I mean shoot, there could be a whole colony of Lochness's in the Great Lakes and we would never know because the Lakes are like mini oceans. And if I am not mistaken the Great Lakes are even fresh water. I am readily willing to admit that there could be animals of this nature somewhere out in... well, nature. But this picture was too easy. Too perfect. It doesn't take a genius to look at it and think... that looks photo shopped. I know there are Lochness and Bigfoot searchers that spend their whole life trying to find these creatures. Hey if that's your thing then go for it. I hope to be a big greasy rock star one day and that dream is as elusive as yours. I'll even be pleasantly surprised if you succeed. But don't go grasping at every crack pot trying to get a rise out of you. Before you go raising the media frenzy, get someone to check it first. You're not helping your cause putting out photos like this!

Borneo snake hoax
How to find out that Borneo's snake monster was a fake: Scientific American Blog

Apparently law makers have nothing better to do

Considering so many politicians these days have relationships with prostitutes of both the male and female variety, it is humorous to me that they are considering the latest bit of legislation. The Proposal? Should we outlaw Brazilian wax jobs? Yes, NJ lawmakers are considering making the act of giving or receiving a Brazilian wax job against the law. Never mind that the economy is in the toilette, 8 percent of people are out of work and more rising every day. Forget that the "president" is trying to negotiate with terrorists. What really concerns lawmakers is the people who want their pubic hair ripped out at the roots.
I have had one of these waxes, and I didn't enjoy it in the least. But for some women like me, it's just what has to be done. I can understand that you can get infections any time you open the skin up, particularly in damp areas like the lady apartment downstairs tends to be. Proper hygiene is crucial. But if a woman wants that done... are you really gonna arrest her? Are you going to shut down shops that supply a service to women that is never going to be seen by the public? It's not like someone is going to get into their car after having one too many waxes and kill someone.
I guarantee that there is not a swimsuit model in the entire Sports Illustrated swimsuit edition that didn't have that done prior to getting photographed. Honestly there are too many women who don't take care of their lady apartment downstairs well enough as it is, (we've all gotten stuck near one in public and smelled them at least once). Not to mention if it is bringing in money to the economy, (and usually steady income every four to six weeks for most wax pros) then in today's state of affairs, shouldn't you just leave it? A woman can abort a child but can't have a wax? Seriously? I have to definitely say that when it comes to waxing I am pro-choice. We need to find these politicians something to do. Or at least we need to get their prostitutes to strike until the waxing ban is lifted or something. See... In Amsterdam they have prostitute unions, then the Prostitute union could strike till the lawmakers agreed to let women have waxes. Geez... I believe I have digressed yet again.
N.J. salon owners to state: Mind your own "B" wax Philadelphia Daily News 03/13/2009

Gypsy slaves

I saw this article tonight and it just makes me sick. Women are being sold into slavery in today's world. I don't care that it is ok is some cultures. Those cultures are wrong. Now, I understand that Gypsies are not known for their morals to begin with. It just amazes me that there is no public outcry for these girls that are being sold. First there was little Nujood Ali, the ten year old who received a divorce after being sold to an abusive man for a wife.
Now we see the Annual Gypsy bride sale in Bulgaria. Yes I said annual as in it happens every year. These teenage girls are brought together (caked in makeup and in their finest clothes) to "meet boys" But they can fetch upwards of several thousand Euros a piece to the right man. While these girls are being paraded around, their younger siblings eat sweets and enjoy the festivities. The festivities? This is wrong on so many levels. When will we as humans break away from this?On the market: Teenage Gypsy girls glam up for annual bride sale Mail Online Gypsy Teens Gather in Bulgaria for Yearly Bride Sale - Lemondrop

Objectum Sexuals

Ok I have to file this under the truly bizarre. This is an article and documentary about women who fall in love with inanimate objects. There are very few of these women, and they do seem to be all women. They have Aspergers syndrome, and they come from an abusive family. Now I will warn you that if you watch this video from start to finish it will be 21 minutes and 14 seconds of your life that you can't get back. It is by far the most fascinating train wreck I have ever watched. ( I was a little toasted when I watched it but the outcome probably wouldn't have been different if I was sober.) In this documentary you will see a woman who married the Eiffel Tower and one that married the Berlin Wall. Pat also makes an appearance and she/he is in love with an amusement park ride.
It's amazing to watch, and definitely creepy. You can get the idea if you watch just a couple minutes. And you should at least do that just for kicks and giggles. But please remember that if you watch it all, I did warn you....Married To The Eiffel Tower [Part 1] Free Videos - Watch Online Videos - Guide Veoh

Another Episode of Good Idea...Bad Idea

Good Idea: Replace lightbulbs in Pub when they burn out. Bad Idea: Replacing the light bulbs with high power tanning bulbs. Landlady puts tanning bulbs into pub lights.. and staff get sunstroke - The Daily Record

Barbie gets yet another makeover

There are so many things wrong with Barbie, I dare not start listing them on this post. But this next Barbie is a step foreward towards getting those trailer park Barbies we know eventually have to come. Now you can get Tatoo Barbie. You apply them yourself. The Barbie comes with ready made tatoos including a tramp stamp with Kens name on it! When I was a kid all you could get were jailhouse tatoos. You know... Sharpie tats. But it just means we have set the bar a little higher for all the six year olds to achieve.

Next out will be Mu mu and curlers Barbie, Barefoot and Pregnant Barbie, followed by Jerry I don't know who the baby daddy is Barbie. Ken will become a politician, and after a government building bathroom sex scandal he will finally announce what we have always known. Ken is gay and is tired of a money grubbing plastic Barbie. He will retire to Asheville after he can no longer afford the prostitutes. He will start drinking and smoking trying to make a living writing dark Broadway musicals and plays hoping to emulate Cole Porter. One day we will hear that Ken died, with out a penny to his name, of liver cancer in a shack on the mountain. Barbie will fly in from California, taking a dramatic break from Real Barbie Housewives of Orange County. She will pay for a lavish funeral. After all she loved him once. Just before they tear down the shack she will find the musicals and plays Ken was never able to get published. She will take them to California where Ang Lee will turn them into Oscar winning movies.

Barbie's son will over dose from drugs a week before she dies of mysterious causes in the Seminole's Casino and hotel in Florida. There will be a huge custody battle for her daughter.... and I digress...

Barbie Gets Edgy New Makeover - Lemondrop

Pandemic...

Scientists have just announced today that there is a possible pandemic. All my friends are getting engaged and married and the scientists say they are helpless to stop it. In the last year roughly 6 out of 20 friends have become engaged or married. Scientists also report that if the tide is not stopped it could affect many more... eventually even my brothers. It has already reached epic proportions heretofore unknown amidst this social group ::Sighs:: I am going to quickly get tired of going to weddings guys! Seriously! But Congrats to Mary and Stephen... I am afraid it is too late to save you now!

Thriller... Bollywood style

Some of you may know that I am taking a History of Rock class. I have a paper due and was doing some research on Michael Jackson when I came across this video. Now I will forewarn you, it is a train wreck. It's terrible. It's Thriller on drugs gone bad.... with subtitles. But the subtitles are pretty freakin' funny. Enjoy! Thriller - Bollywood Style

And if you are craving the original MTV MUSIC - Michael Jackson - Thriller (Long Vers.) then here it is in it's fourteen minutes of glory!

Hello this is 911, what is your emergency?

"Yes, I bought a ten piece McNugget and they told me they were all out of MCNuggets and wouldn't give me a refund."
Seriously? I mean.... Seriously? And some people think that the plot line in Idiocracy is a fictional funny story. 911 McNuggets call

It's GIR!

A homemade GIR hat. It just doesn't get any better than this. So when does it go into mass production?

Keep the business in the family... that is unless it cuts my profits

This is a twist that takes rival drug lord murders to a whole new level. 13 Year old Mykel Mendes has been accused of arranging the murder of his 16 year old brother Jordan. Why would he do such a thing you ask? So Mykel could take over his brothers half of the drug operation they were running. Seems good ol' dad handed down the family cocaine business to his sons before/after he went to prison. He went to prison and continued to run it from behind bars till he got caught and convicted for that. This family operated one of the biggest cocaine distribution rings in the Cape Cod area.
Mykel's brother was shot, then stabbed 27 times, then set on fire with the aid of gasoline.

Mykel's lawyer, who I assume is not cheap, says there is no way it was Mykel. After the news lately, I don't know many juries that will buy that.
boy accused of killing brother

I'm cute, blonde and rich; please feel sorry for me.

It seems that poor little Meghan McCain's dating life has gone into the toilet since her father ran for president. Some of the guys that date her just do it to get near her dad. Others think that she loves talking politics just cause her dad does. Well you poor pitiful thing! These guys aren't interested in you... they just want your body, I mean your money, I mean your father. Well honey, welcome to the real world! You know, I would probably give my left hand for someone to pretend to be interested in a date with me. So quit yer bitchin! Some of us can't even get a date on false pretenses, much less be concerned about finding someone truly interested! Meghan McCain Dating

Another episode of "Good Idea, Bad Idea"

Alright.... Here's the good idea: Let's think before we post signs. Here's the bad idea: Let's put a sign on the water fountain that says "Whites Only." James Curtis received three years probation, 50 hours community service, mandatory cultural diversity training, random drug AND alcohol testing, and a 200 dollar fine for putting the sign on the water fountain. Public Works Employee Gets Probation For 'Whites Only' Sign » Propeller

Sheet of paper... 2 cents
Ball Point Pen... $1.29
Scotch Tape... $1.99
Explaining what you did to get the book thrown at you for your sign in a government building... priceless.

Mr. Curtis was lucky they didn't really throw the book at him. When he was initially arrested the charges were of a much more serious nature. Only after speaking to the co-workers of Mr. Curtis some of who were African American, did they lessen the charges. Apparently Mr. Curtis is not really a racist, just stupid.
So, I am guessing that he looked at the officer and said "No really officer I am not a racist, some of my best friends are black! No really, they are!"

Bad baby names...

This website took a poll on bad baby names. The Baby Website - Silly Names I have heard a few over the years. Let's see there was Lemonjello and Orangejello and Booger. Mom dealt with those children at the hospital. And Dad worked with a husband and wife by the last name of Leer. They named their daughter Crystal Chanda Leer. The worst part of that name is they named her that on purpose, KNOWING what they were doing. Anybody know any other great baby names that aren't on this list? I bet my friend that works in social services has quite a few!