It's furniture for black people and white people...

This commercial is hysterical, and it actually is the TV ad for the store. The Red House Furniture place has furniture for black and whites alike. Who said we couldn't all just get along? Wacky Furniture Ad Becomes Web Sensation - AOL Small Business

Not grits, but close

Every girl who grew up in the south knows that you should keep a pot of grits on the stove to keep a man in line. If she dumps the grits on you it's like napalm. It won't come off and burns to the bone. At least this is what I have been told. Wanda Bray didn't throw Grits she threw chili. Three men broke into her home and as they did she threw things at them including a bowl of Chili to ward them off. They finally left when she took the broom to them. The men were arrested shortly after that. Maybe next time she'll keep grits on the stove just in case.

Virgins for Sale!!

A girl from Romania, who was going to school in Germany, decided to sell her virginity. Might as well make it profitable. So she posted an add on the Internet and sold her virginity to an Italian business man for 14,000 dollars. She flew to Italy and gave it up. It seems that now Germany wants her to give it up again. Germany has legalized prostitution. They are claiming that since she was in Germany when the transaction was agreed upon, it was prostitution and she should be required to pay taxes on it. Up to half the 14,000 in taxes. I always knew we were Ho's for the biggest pimp, the government, Germany just put a voice to it.

Now we know why Red Bull gives you wings

It's got cocaine in it. I guess the makers of Red Bull are taking old lessons from Coca Cola and putting them to use. Germany has banned the Red Bull Cola in many areas and is considering a nationwide ban of the drink. Red Bull says that there is no danger because they use the "de-cocainized leaves." Oh, Ok. That makes it all better.

All in all I think it's all quite silly. The other crap that is in sodas is toxic. And if you really want to get down to it, the smallest dose of caffiene in pure form is lethal.

But if you want to continue drinking Red Bull or other "energy drinks" as I will admit I do on occasion, you might want to see this next product. It's called Drank. It's to slow you down at the end of the day. It's got melatonin, valerian root, and rose hips. I think that, in high doses, valerian root can kill. Americans have been known to drink soda in extremely high doses.

So first you drink Red Bull to get going and then you drink Drank, to slow down. It all begins to sound like some bad rocker biography, or a Marilyn Monroe documentary. Cocaine or uppers to get through the day. Sleeping pills, alcohol or heroine to sleep...

"I'm going to Disney World"

It seemed for many years that inevitably after every Super Bowl there would be commercials that went something like this...

Reporter: "You just won the Super Bowl. What are you going to do now?"

Player of Winning Team: "I'm going to Disney World!"

This would then be followed by whatever promotional deal Disney was running.

I don't know if they still do that... I quit watching the Super Bowl as soon as the game ends (well unless it's Green Bay). But I couldn't help hearing that stupid commercial in my head when I read about the woman and daughter that were "kidnapped."

A couple days ago it was reported that a woman and her daughter were missing and that it could be a kidnapping. The mother frantically called 911 from the trunk the kidnappers Cadillac. The requisite two black men had car-jacked them and taken them hostage. Her daughter was in the trunk of the car with her.

What really happened was this: The woman parked the Caddi, called 911 twice and then she and the girl flew to Disney Land.

Really? That's your great escape plan? Disney? Disney who probably has more cameras on you than the government does? And do you really think that an over grown mouse, a big dog like thing aptly named Goofy, and a duck with a nasty temper are going to hide you? I'm pretty sure that even though it says Disney Land, it's not really it's own land. There isn't even a need for the mouse to extradite you. The cops can just come in and get you.

Suicidal man pushed off the bridge

A man who had held up traffic on a bridge in Beijing was pushed today. Chen Fuchao was up to his yen in debt and thought he might end it all by jumping off a bridge. The Police cordoned off the area, set up an inflatable catchy thingy and then waited. After several hours Lai Jiansheng, a passerby, asked to try and talk the man down, but he was turned down. So he went up to the bridge and snuck through the blockade. He walked right up to Chen, shook his hand and then shoved him off. Chen landed in the partially inflated emergency catchy thing while Lai smiled and saluted as he fell. Chen injured his elbow and his spine. Lai was arrested. I just think this is funny, it's like Lethal Weapon for real. Now, Lai has some sort of mental disorder, but I have to say he was right on the money here. There was something to catch the guy. The guy had held up traffic for five hours. Lai thought Chen was being selfish. Seems about right to me. And trust me it is selfish, I can speak with authority on that. So I just think that all's well that ends well. No one died. I doubt Chen will try to off himself again. Traffic was restored to normal. And the police could go about doing something more useful. Why go about arresting Lai? Does this mean I am twisted? IF it does then oh freakin' well.

Spring and Summer Veggies

One of the things I love most about the warm weather season... other than not having to be cold.... is the veggies. I love fresh veggies. Those who know me well know I was a vegetarian for a couple years. I prefer to eat vegetarian most of the time. So when summer comes around and I am able to go down the street and get local grown veggies at the Farmers market I am super happy. I grill them, bake them, saute them, skewer them, you name it. Hopefully in the next year or two I will be able to grow my own.

Well, a man in Berlin apparently loved his veggies too, particularly white Asparagus. He beat a 24 year old woman who was selling them. He claimed the price she was charging was outrageous and then beat her up. Any sane person would have just gone to another place to get them. But what do I know? White asparagus that is not grown in green houses is very seasonal. It has a short harvest time, similar to Vidalia onions. You just can't get them year round. I understand the love of the stinky pee vegetable. I will pick that stuff up and eat it with my fingers. A little salt, pepper, garlic, olive oil and a grill make Asparagus a fabulous enjoyment for me. I will not beat someone up cause I don't want to pay the high prices. Capitalism hasn't apparently fully caught on over there in Berlin. Communism doesn't make you have to take what they give you anymore. Go somewhere else. Don't beat a poor girl up for trying to make a buck.

It has been too long

I have been a very bad blogger. It has been almost two weeks I think, since my last blog. It's not even for lack of stuff to blog about. I have plenty, just you wait Henry Higgins. I think that I have just been enjoying the time off from school. Actually having one whole day a week that I am not working or at school or both, has been uber great. I only had maybe five days the entire semester where I didn't have to be anywhere but on my couch. And usually those days I still had school work to do. So I am remembering what it is like to have time to do nothing at all. It is amazingly easy to accomplish nothing at all in a day. I know that I can be a very successful nothing accomplisher for about a week or so, then I get bored. There's yard work and cleaning and visiting.... And I am a bit of a work-aholic. I am still working full time, and picking up shifts on my days off. And Thursday night is Trivia night... Yeah... Vacation is as close to retiring as I will ever get. I haven't even got my first bachelor degree and I am already contemplating how to go about getting a second one, all the while, trying to get out of the restaurant business. It's good for temporary... but I can't do this crap forever.
Well this was supposed to be a quick note that said "bad Blogger Ms Red... new posts coming soon" Guess I should not blog at two in the morning. Whenever I do you get way more than you asked for, and none of which you care about.
So here is that note I meant to write.
Bad Ms. Red for not blogging.... posts coming soon to a computer screen near you.

Everything that is wrong with Muslim society

A judge speaking at a domestic violence conference said that if a woman spends lavishly on their Aybara, the coverings women are forced to wear, and the husband slaps her for it then she deserved it. So is this to make people aware that domestic abuse is a bad thing or is it a conference of people who believe domestic violence should be perpetuated? Of course this happened in Saudi Arabia. And we wonder why terrorists come out of the middle east? When you teach violence as a way of life, bad things happen. A society where mothers and daughters are nothing but property and punching bags is a breeding ground for testosterone filled rage. The balance is tipped too far to one side. Saudi Judge Slap Wives

It's raining moose...

A 500 pound moose fell from the sky in Clinton, Maine. A motorist on Hinkley road saw the poor beast falling after it jumped a gaurd rail on an overpass on I-95. If it had landed on the car and the motorist actually survived, does insurance cover falling Moose? Moose Fell Out of Sky

Last meal

If you knew you were going to jail for a very long time, what would you pick for your last meal? Jermaine Cooper of Fort Wayne, Indiana decided it would be a burrito from Taco Bell. After leading police on a chase of 90 mph he suddenly pulled in to a Taco Bell parking lot to get one last burrito before he was arrested. Stupid criminals never cease to amaze me. The cops are right on your tail in a high speed chase, do you really think that you are going to have time to buy a burrito, much less eat one? I am pretty sure even the drive through couldn't help you there. What do you say? "I am sorry I drove off, and I know I am going to jail. Could I please eat one burrito before I go?" Really? I am pretty sure that you have thoroughly pissed off the cops for making them chase you. They know you are a coke dealer. Really?

If I knew I was gonna be eating prisoner prepared food for a while, Taco Hell would not be my choice for a last meal. Oh sure, I eat there every once and a while I admit. I like the Crunch Wrap Supreme, with all it's cheesy crunchy billions of calories and fat. But, if it was the last thing I am going to have, I think I would have stopped at a steak house and hoped the cops joined me for one last filet and baked potato before I went. Or at least some down home Mac and cheese and green beans and a big slab of chocolate or red velvet cake... something. I just know that Taco Hell would not be where I would decide to end the chase. What would you eat for your last meal?

Suspect Stops at Taco Bell During Chase

More news from Hookerland

I am enjoying the stories that have come out of Hookerland lately. In Amsterdam's Red Light District, a huge tourist attraction, old brothels are being bought by the city and used for art shows. You can now get laid and increase your cultural knowledge all at one time... all while high. The city is attempting to revitalize the city by limiting the number of brothels and coffee shops selling weed. So now you go to an art show, get all worked up, get high and then get your socks rocked. Sounds like a pretty succesful evening to me. Maybe if they throw in a wine and cheese tasting it would be the perfect night, What do you think?Amsterdam's Red Light Rooms Become Art Studios

Queens= Trailer Park

A woman in New York, one Sandrina Purdum, has filed a lawsuit against one of the women she invited to her wedding. Why you ask? Seems like what had happened was the woman, one Jennifer Angevine, what is being sued cussed out the bride for ruining her relationship a.k.a. affair with the husband. Jennifer poked Sandrina in the chest with her pointy finger saying "Me and Harry were good together. You had to ruin everything by marrying him. You f- - -ed everything up," This accusation caused such a disturbance that 70 guests were ordered to leave. The bride and groom spent their wedding night apart and are trying to reconcile things now. Of course the husband had no idea what Jennifer was talking about. So Sandrina is suing for slander and inflicting emotional distress and battery. I am pretty sure Jerry Springer went to a trailer park in Georgia and had a very similar show.

Sandrina Purdum Lawsuit

American News Non-Partisan... Really?

This next article I found was interesting only in one spot. It is an article about a UK newspaper named Evening Standard. Apparently the Newspaper took on too negative a tone in talking about a mayor who was eventually run out of office. The thing I found ironic is a paragraph about halfway down. Media World: Why the U.K.'s Evening Standard is sorry

It says and I quote: "If you take away the politics, the rest of the newspaper is pretty good," Greenslade told the Daily Finance.What may have prompted the Evening Standard to "apologize" was its role in driving London's controversial mayor Ken Livingston from office. U.S. readers should note that the tradition of journalists being objective is an American phenomena, and a fairly recent one at that. Papers in the U.K. and in other parts of the world take on avowedly partisan tones.

Apparently the author has never watched or read anything news related from America. American journalism is so biased as to be ridiculous. The media has no morals or scruples. There is no code of ethics to be followed. Political candidates live or die by the media. The article says that if you take away the politics the rest of the newspaper is pretty good. This newspaper must offer more information than the papers in the US do. I just found it hilarious that the author thought that US news was objective and non-partisan. It's completely laughable. If US media isn't making judgements, or putting their spin on news, or making or breaking someones career, then the only thing left that they do is report sports scores.
The article might as well say my blog isn't sarcastic or biased. It would be just as true as saying that American journalists are objective.

Another Episode from Good Idea, Bad Idea

Sometimes in life you come across something and you have to stop and ask "who thought that was a good idea?" I had to make a quick trip to Petsmart yesterday and I contemplated which way I would take to get there. I settled on the back roads, which although no shorter, they don't involve me driving in traffic on Wade Hampton Blvd. On my way, I decided I needed to stop and get a pack of smokes. Well I shouldn't say I "needed" the pack of smokes, but I wanted. Anyway, I grabbed a Pepsi and went to stand in line at the counter. In front of me was a short skinny brunette with a purse almost as big as she was and a boy of about 10. I hear the cashier ask the woman how much an item was. The woman said 4.99 then turned around and walked next to me pointing at a display and said "Yes, 4.99 it says right there. See? Well I looked at the item she had on the counter, and was not readily able to identify the object so I turned and looked at the display as she pointed to it. It was labeled "Manicure pen." Now you might ask yourself, what is a manicure pen exactly? Well I will tell you. It is a ballpoint pen with a toenail clipper on the top. "What?" I know I said the same thing. The woman then turns to the cashier and says in a thick southern trailer park kind of way, " I thought that was cool. I needed a toenail clipper." So the woman digs through her monster purse and eventually locates enough bills and a change purse to pay for the items and leaves. I step up and pay for my Pepsi and smokes and turn to leave. Ever so discretely I quickly snapped a picture of the "Manicure Pen" so that I could prove to you my fine readers, that it actually did exist. So here we are. Good Idea: Ball Point Pen. Bad Idea: attaching a toenail clipper on the end of said ball point pen. Sadly there was more than one Manicure Pen missing from the display so others have bought or stolen said item. Whether as a joke or for real, I could not tell. But if this woman was any indication, I dare not hold out hope that it was all as a joke.

Funny Man Gone

Dom you made us laugh and you will be greatly missed. RIP

Dollar Tree Website

Now you can shop in store or online. Seriously? First of all although I do occasionally shop at the dollar store for odds and ends, probably 80 percent of the people that shop there regularly don't have computers. Don't even pretend that you haven't been in a dollar store and know what I mean. Second of all, why in the hell would you pay a dollar for something and then pay 4 dollars to ship it? If they don't have every item on the website in one big warehouse then you'll pay that for each item. You could just go to Wal-Mart and pay two dollars for it. Half the fun and adventure of the dollar store is the actual experience, the excitement of the unknown encounters. Not that you will necessarily miss out on those same experiences at Wal-mart. But Hey, if you want to shop the Dollar Tree online, don't let me stop you.Dollar Tree launches new e-commerce web site

It can only get worse from here

Patrol this is dispatch we have a robbery in progress. Suspects are two feet tall and still in diapers. Be advised they seemed to have ransacked the house, over. Dispatch this is patrol... do what?

John and Matthew Farrer, ages 2 and 3, wandered away from their home and into their neighbors. While family and emergency crews frantically searched for the two hooligans they were blissfully unaware. They went into the neighbors house while she was sleeping. They raided the pantry eating cookies and things leaving a trail of mess in their wake. The homeowner woke up just as the police saw the two leaving out the back door. One of the boys was still wearing an absconded Clemson helmet. Poor boys were too young to know not to take Clemson memorabilia, it's worthless.

Toddlers Ransack Neighbor's House - ParentDish

Another story from the world of stupid

Eleven pirates were captured off the coast of Kenya on Sunday. It seems they didn't pay close attention to the boat they were trying to capture. Said boat was French Military. Masterminds need not apply. Pirates Seized Near Kenya

Hooker coupons

The recession has been bad all over the world. Even the oldest profession in the book has felt the pangs of lost clients.

So the Pros in Germany have started a discount program as well as free promotions or an all you can... um... eat... flat fee. Do you do advertising in newspapers? Better yet, do you place coupons in the Sunday paper?

May 1st through Memorial day come and buy one blow job and get the second blow job free. (while supplies last, terms and conditions may apply, participation may vary)

It all just makes me giggle. But read for yourself German Sex Industry

Post category: you go girl!

A seventeen year old girl was walking to school one day in California when two guys came up tried to grab her and take her money. What they didn't know was that she was a band geek. Miss Lady whipped around and punched one in the nose, kicked the other in the groin and then walloped, yes walloped them with her baton. The men have not been apprehended but I am guessing they will think twice before trying to grab anyone again. I was not a band geek, but I was (still am actually) a choir geek, and it just makes me smile in my heart to think of it. I am guessing people at her high school won't be making fun of her again. Band Baton Muggers