Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Barbie gets yet another makeover


There are so many things wrong with Barbie, I dare not start listing them on this post. But this next Barbie is a step foreward towards getting those trailer park Barbies we know eventually have to come. Now you can get Tatoo Barbie. You apply them yourself. The Barbie comes with ready made tatoos including a tramp stamp with Kens name on it! When I was a kid all you could get were jailhouse tatoos. You know... Sharpie tats. But it just means we have set the bar a little higher for all the six year olds to achieve.


Next out will be Mu mu and curlers Barbie, Barefoot and Pregnant Barbie, followed by Jerry I don't know who the baby daddy is Barbie. Ken will become a politician, and after a government building bathroom sex scandal he will finally announce what we have always known. Ken is gay and is tired of a money grubbing plastic Barbie. He will retire to Asheville after he can no longer afford the prostitutes. He will start drinking and smoking trying to make a living writing dark Broadway musicals and plays hoping to emulate Cole Porter. One day we will hear that Ken died, with out a penny to his name, of liver cancer in a shack on the mountain. Barbie will fly in from California, taking a dramatic break from Real Barbie Housewives of Orange County. She will pay for a lavish funeral. After all she loved him once. Just before they tear down the shack she will find the musicals and plays Ken was never able to get published. She will take them to California where Ang Lee will turn them into Oscar winning movies.
Barbie's son will over dose from drugs a week before she dies of mysterious causes in the Seminole's Casino and hotel in Florida. There will be a huge custody battle for her daughter.... and I digress...

2 comments:

thefabulousmrthing said...

Wow. That's quite an imagination you have there. LOL

I rolled my eyes when I saw this too. Mattel has finally realized what everyone else has known for years - Barbie has become irrelevant to the children who were supposed to be playing with her.

I applaud their move to make Barbie a real toy again, and not just something that collectors buy, but this is yet another step down the "McDonalds Barbie" path. At least this one didn't contain product placement to offset marketing costs. That we know of.

This is such an obvious attempt to take a bite of the Brats sales. Way to race to the bottom, soulless corporate toy makers.

Well, toy sellers. Of course all this stuff is made in China. By people who could never afford one for their own children.

Alastair McCandless said...

Coming next: Prince Albert Ken.